Greetings! My name is Dewey and I’m the Information Office for The General’s TEAM. I’m the town’s library cat, which is why I know so much about everything.
Today I thought I would enlighten you about Mortimer’s Interspecies Translator. This invention, previously known as the Legacy in earlier versions of Cindy’s book, is cleverly disguised as a red and black-checkered hunting cap, like this one. It is being modeled next to Molly, one of Cindy’s real cats who insisted on being in my picture.
IT is quite interesting really, an assistive technology which allows humans to overcome their lack of telepathic abilities, resulting in enhanced interspecies communication.
FLASH: Dewey, this is a blog for kids! Nobody’s gonna understand a word you’re saying. If you want a turn, you’ve got to talk about something interesting—like maybe you should tell the kids about ME!
DEWEY: Inventions are interesting, Flash. Don’t you want your blog to be educational?
FLASH: NO! I want it to be fun!
DEWEY: Can I tell them how the Dander Zapper works with ultraviolet wavelengths?
FLASH: NO! Absolutely not!
RINGO: Hey, Dewey, maybe I could help you think of something. When I posted my advice column I got the most visits to the blog ever.
FLASH: Great. Thanks for reminding me, Ringo. Way to make me feel bad.
RINGO: Dude, I only got two more than you, so it’s not that big a deal. Oooh! Ooooh! I know! Dewey could have a totally awesome column about inventions. Like this:
My little brother is driving me crazy sneaking into my room. How can I stop him?
And Dewey could answer:
Hork up a juicy hairball right in your doorway, then when he tries to sneak in your room it’ll squish between his toes. He’ll be so grossed out he’ll never go in your room again.
DEWEY: That’s not an invention!
RINGO: Sure it is. Kind of.
FLASH: Oh brother. Why did I ever decide to let you two jokers have a turn on my blog? Go back and figure out something good to write before you take another turn!
DEWEY: Maybe the kids would have an idea for us.
RINGO: Far out! Good thinking, Dewey! These kids are smart, they’re sure to have some ideas! Well? We’re waiting . . .