Are you kidding me?
That’s just one big cover-up for the pitiful excuse cats call their lives.
Everybody knows felines are the most useless species on the planet. Can you blame me for trying to blow their cover once and for all? Humans deserve to know that cats are playing them for fools. They’re not superior and mysterious—they’re dumb as rocks, just like that newspaper article said.
FLASH: Lucy! How many times do I have to tell you to stay off my blog, you dirty butt-sniffer!
LUCY: Make me.
**hissing, claw swiping, spitting, jaw snapping, growling, fur flying**
THE GENERAL: Stop it, both of you! I will not tolerate fighting or species bashing on this blog.
LUCY: You can say whatever you want, Grandpa, but you’re not the boss of me!
FLASH: Cindy is the boss of all of us. I’m going to tell her to delete you from my book.
LUCY: She won’t do it. A story has to have conflict and without a villain there’s no conflict. So there.
CINDY: Flash, I’m sorry to barge in on your blog, but I agree with The General. You and Lucy have to find a way to get along outside of the story.
FLASH: Can’t we zap her with the Pacifier now?
CINDY: Sorry, buddy. That doesn’t happen till the sequel. We have to sell the first book before we do any more work on the second one, remember?
FLASH: Oh, yeah. DRAT!
LUCY: Ha! Told you.
CINDY: That’s enough out of you two. Now, here’s what going to happen. On Wednesday, Flash is going to say one nice thing about Lucy. Then Lucy is going to say one nice thing about Flash. Got it? And if I have to interrupt this blog again, you will both be sorry. I’m putting The General in charge of Wednesday’s apologies. Now get thinking.